Legal Requirements of Christmas Cheer

From the Carbolic Smoke Ball Company:

Legal Cheer Christmas Card, via Carbolic Smoke Ball Co

The text of the Legal Requirements of Christmas Cheer card pictured above provides:

Article 1: Christmas Cheer shall be deemed to be appropriate on those days defined as set aside for the purpose of frivolity. Decorations may be displayed or indeed worn for a period extending to but not beyond Twelfth Night, being that day eleven (11) days following 25 December.

Article 2: ‘Tis the season to be merry and ipso facto the party of the first part may party with the party or parties of the second or more parts (but not ex parte) as appropriate for the pursuit of innocent merriment on the part of all parties to the impartial benefit of every party concerned.

Article 3: Misuse of mistletoe: traditional use of the hermiparasitic evergreen Viscum album and related species of the genus Loranthaceae for the purposes of entrapment and osculant activity should be limited by the bounds of decorum and political correctness, whichever are the more stringent; the precept of ex abusu non arguitur ad usum nevertheless applying.

Article 4: Proof of the pudding: this shall be 37.5% or the excise rating of the brandy held within the Senior Partner’s emergency medicinal supplies, whichever is the greater. The use of the Christmas pudding to conceal coin of the realm or any other fine metal of any degree of purity is exempted from the Orthodontic Work Protection Act of 1957; washing and other preparation of such coin shall not be deemed to be money laundering.

Article 5: Resting of merry gentlemen (deemed for the purposes to include merry gentlewomen). It being established that the season of goodwill takes an exacting toll, on those days defined in Article 1 (quod vide) and any other day which shall immediately follow such a day, gentlemen inter alias shall apply due diligence to the pursuit of rest and recovery.